Misery's the River of the World

Spraypaint.

2009-11-09T23:12:42Z

Quote of the Day.

2009-11-04T05:14:04Z

Crystal, on relationships:

for Christmas you should wrap a a piece of paper in a nice fancy big box
and then when you open it the paper will say "pack your shit"

Holy Shit I Am Getting The Bible.

2009-11-04T04:05:22Z

Years ago, I'm not sure how long, I went to see Harvey Pekar speak. He was hilarious and it was lovely. I got him to provide the speech bubble for a comic my then-boyfriend had illustrated (he was an illustration major) which was maybe the best gift I've ever given someone (although he didn't appreciate it because, somehow, he didn't know who Harvey Pekar was. Whatever. I dumped him like a month later and he cried a lot.) Point being, during his stage time, Harvey Pekar let it slip that Robert Crumb was in the process of illustrating Genesis. Now, I say let it slip, because he fumbled and said something like "oh shit, maybe I shouldn't have said that."

Ever since then, I've been waiting for the book to come out.

I went to the cool-kids indie bookstore like two weeks ago, maybe three? And there it was. And I went to the counter clerk guy and ever-so-delicately said FUCK YOU HAVE IT! IS IT AWESOME? And he said he had no idea what I was talking about. I explained, then he turned to his associate and he, too, was clueless, and then subsequently delighted, just like the first guy. I was a little shocked that two Robert Crumb fans were unaware of the book, because it's creation slipped out into the media shortly after Pekar blurted it out on stage, which was probably related, who knows. Whatever. They had a shipment of this book out, for DAYS, that no one was buying, or even knew existed. What? I saw this situation in two separate stores.

So I went back last week to buy it, because that's what happens when you get paid, you buy things, and it's nowhere to be found. Apparently, I let the cat out of the bag, and now every copy in this town has been purchased... even though it was out for a week and untouched before I said anything. Cute.

Nate, being the clever bird he is, just informed me that he tried to get it, that it's sold out all over town, and that it's my birthday present but it's going to be late because he has to order it. So, I'm happy.

1982 Space Glasses

2009-10-31T03:19:19Z

Smells like fish.

2009-10-31T00:01:04Z

Oh hay, look whuz behind mah house...

I'll take my real camera out tomorrow and impress you even further.

Oh my god!

2009-10-08T00:10:49Z

Do you fucking know that I don't have any cat icons?! OH GOD!

This is my week so far:

www.nataliedee.com

Basically, yeah.

2009-10-07T23:55:22Z

This is what Santa Cruz is like.

www.marriedtothesea.com

Quote of the Day.

2009-10-05T08:12:37Z

Mike wins.

See, the problem with short girls is the height differential. Like say, if I try to fuck a short girl bent over the kitchen sink, say to give her a break from making me dinner, I literally have to pick her up by the hips, like feet off the ground, and then my arms get tired or I have to like do the weird half-squat.

Marc by Marc Jacobs

2009-10-02T00:34:11Z

Magic.

2009-09-26T17:46:57Z

Stolen from Coco.

the_new_black @ 2009-09-23T18:54:00

2009-09-24T02:02:42Z

I had a shitty day.

Why?

Because when you live in new apartments, they have carpeting, and carpeting requires vacuum cleaners, and vacuum cleaners cost something like $150+.

And because getting your car registered in CA costs $182 + a $60 smog check thing.

And because your new stylist is lovely, but costs $55 + tip, and you're used to $25 because you've been spoiled rotten by the same faggy super-stylist for four years.

And because, to feel like you spent some of your paycheck on at least ONE thing you actually wanted to pay for, you tried to find a pair of goddamn basic shoes, and no one had your size, because your feet are huge mutant feet and no one loves you.

So?

So you get a bottle of not-bad $5 wine from Trader Joe's, some fancy crackers and fancy cheese, and you drink it while watching sci-fi and CURSING THE HEAVENS for pretty much anything that pops into your head.

Look! A girl haircut!

Do I look weird there? If I do, it's because I'm half-drunk and furious.

Mmmm... furious...

Boo Crips or something...

2009-09-24T01:51:41Z

I walked by a display of ghost-shaped potato chips and immediately grabbed a bag when I realized what they were... I am a marketer's dream.

I AM RISEN!

2009-09-20T06:13:47Z

I moved to Santa Cruz.

Here are some photos.

(There are about 200 photos, but I'm only posting a few here.)

We had a goodbye breakfast with a few of our favorite people. I'm not going to post all the photos from it, but I will post this one, because it's my favorite and represents what roughly two years of my life have been like.

Haha attitude, ladies, attitude.

Last meal: Chinese food on the front porch of an empty apartment. Matt is whistling at his broccoli.

The brilliant cat barrier, covered litter box, roaming area, etc- so they would have a comfortable trip.

Hotel room #1. Tiffany is a serious businesswoman, not to be trifled with.

Oh, yeah, this was in my fortune cookie right before we left. I had just spent over a grand on my car because it broke at the last second. Uh huh.

Oh look, the cat barrier doesn't work. Right after this photo, she weaseled her way up to the pedals and we decided that all cats would henceforth be confined to closed carriers in car trips.

So creepy.

Culture.

Tiffany, blotting her crotch with a towel.

Hahaha.

Lincoln, being sneaky.

LINCOLN MAKES AN ENTRANCE!!!

The salt flats are terrifying.

Olivine does not like being walked.

I see.

This was on the side of "Ghetto Gypsy"

Boys.

"The Cats" is a town here. Awesome.

My new neighborhood.

This is right behind my new place.

So unfortunate, this view, just terrible.

This photo is what it means to be a cat owner. She got up there about 14 seconds after we first arrived at the apartment.

Quote of the Day.

2009-08-18T16:42:15Z

"Some dude from the internet asked me how I felt about handjobs and I said awesome and then he said handjobs were sweet and then I told him he needed to get a better girlfriend than lamesville b/c then he wouldn't have to ask fat girls from the internet for handjobs and get turned down."

-Crystal

Amateur Pornography, en route.

2009-08-15T05:08:31Z

I just got my very first nice camera today. (Not at that price, thankfully.)

... I did not, however, remember to order a memory card with it. Lulz.

Tomorrow, I will get one, and then this blog will explode with bullshit photos you have no interest in... But wait! I also got a wireless remote for it! So there could be NOODZ! But there won't be. But there could be! It is an option! I have options!

Other news:

I have a rash on my arm. It's mysterious. It's been there for two days. Tomorrow, I will take a hi-res photo of it and post it here for everyone to guess what new and terrible disease I've contracted.

I also got scrabble for my fancy ipod touch thingy and I cannot stop playing it. Nate made me buy it after I beat the previous high score of Word Fu (500pts or something) with my 4500. He told me it wasn't fair for me to play Word Fu any longer. I pretty much just like saying that I am A WORD FU MASTER!!! I don't play video games, so please allow me this one completely meaningless victory over something. It's just shitty digital boggle, really.

I want to fuck Leonard McCoy in the new Star Trek. Not the actor that plays him, like not in his trailer or something, it needs to be in-character and maybe in space. I specifically have a crush on the young Leonard McCoy. The movie finally made it to the dollar-theatre, so I went to see it again, and was reminded how much I like handsome, desperately negative men with poor attitudes.

Quote of the Day.

2009-08-13T05:24:08Z

"Let's see that Redwood forest fist you like I do."

-Crystal, commenting on my move.

Things = Happening.

2009-08-13T04:25:46Z

1. Look forward to many more updates! Yay! LJ and I almost broke-up after this entire fucking site got hacked, but who am I kidding? I've had this shitty blog for 5 years or something and the same handful of loyal, depressed, people still read it and comment. There is love. There is also no easy way to save my blog, along with the comments, which are half the reason I like this thing anyway, so I'm trapped here on this digital island. I figure with some counseling, my relationship with LJ will be good as new.

2. I am a little bit moving to California? In like 10 days. Seriously. I am completely unprepared, but so so ready.

3. I got a lot of stuff. I am in this accidental materialistic phase, where I'm throwing out the mountains of second-hand garbage that swallows space and joy, and replacing it with small, efficient, clean things that make me feel productive, instead of oppressed. I listed it all off to a friend today and he responded with "CUNT" -He's sort of right, though. It's an almost-unnecessarily fancy list of stuff. Point being, one of these things is, at long last, a new digital camera. A nice one. There will be photos! Road-trip-to-CA posts, crap-I-think-needs-documented posts, raunchy nudes (of other people) and cat pictures!

I'll have you know I eat only turkey bacon!

2009-08-13T04:10:05Z

... Like, what an intense body mod, right?

Graffiti.

2009-08-13T04:07:38Z

On the fence behind my apartment, someone wrote "NO MORE ANGLE" with a little halo that was crossed-out.

I decided to contribute.

Fuggs, The New Hep (C?) Trend

2009-08-11T07:12:29Z

I painted my nails a color that I can only think to describe as the vinyl upholstery one might expect to find in an outdated hospital waiting room. I am completely comfortable sporting this unattractive hue. I can tell that people don't notice it right away, because it's subtle, but when they do it's this sort of awkward moment when they have to rethink everything they know about me. (I thought she had taste? Isn't that one of the defining characteristics I know this person to have? Maybe this is some new fashion trend I just haven't caught onto yet? Even so, does a trend make this godawful shade appealing? Am I such a slave to marketing that I would deny my true feelings?)

And I enjoy this event. I enjoy seeing people torn about possibly offending me, but dying to ask what the fucking deal is.

It's pretty awesome to have inside jokes with yourself. It's completely masturbatory.

Remember that one time...

2009-07-01T01:30:50Z

... I made like 40 refrences to my wife, in this blog, over a period of maybe 3 years?

Yeah?

Well, we're finally getting sort-of married.

Kind of.

In a signing-leases-and-getting-joint-banks-accounts way.

Send us a blender.

Ablaze.

2009-07-01T01:24:18Z

You and I both know I neglect this blog, Internet. I'm sorry. I'm willing to work on it if you are...

1. I signed a new lease in Santa Cruz. It's a very good-sized place, away from noise, but close to everything, on a quiet beach. Large master bedroom, a second bedroom that will be an office, 2 full bathrooms, patio, nice kitchen, parking, garage, and warnings about bobcats.

Meet the view that is a 5min walk from my house:

2. My BFF got fucking married and is moving to Taiwan. AHHHH!

3. My hair is unusually long, considering what it has been for 6 years. It's infuriating.

(I only wear glasses when I work for a long time. Don't get excited. You'll never see those again.)

4. What's that you ask? Have I been reading a probably-unhealthy-amount of erotica? Why yes, I have. Thank you for noticing. I also got an unnecessarily expensive and fancy clitoral vibrator. So there.

5. I got books and dresses and things. It was time.

Welcome Back... I See You're Still... You.

2009-06-13T19:32:38Z

Oh man, thank goodness for this photo. I know you were out defending any number of ideological concepts and literal people or something, and I appreciate that, but I'm glad your back and have full access to porn, pussy and Sonic. How soon until that muscle-mass shrinks down and you get a bunch of stretch marks? Mmm youth...

I'm Not Entirely Sure That We Can Do Anything Else.

2009-06-13T19:18:58Z

Dick Antennae! Metal Crystal. (She kind of looks like Ozzy here, right? Does anyone else see this?)

... Shoe + Boob = Photo Op.

Hidden Treasure!

2009-05-27T20:34:51Z

There was a giant goddamn bag of hair behind my house.